they are cutting back hours at the factory. which means that i have a lot of free time right now and finding things to do to fill the hours of each day is proving harder and harder. yesterday i was able to deep clean my studio, do my laundry and cook. today, i picked up the bass guitar that has been sitting in the corner of my room for the first time in months. but i was easily discourage by my inability to actually play so after an hour of struggling i put it down. i tried to revamp my website but i have nothing new to update. 

a sad state of affairs, indeed.

according to the california drought preparedness website: “in these trying times of drought it is imperative that [actors] take appropriate action to implement effective tools and resources.” and so i will do just that.

i’m in an acting class that meets for 4 hours twice a week. it’s a scene study class meaning, i prepare a scene with a partner over a given period of time, bring the scene in to class and get feed back from my acting coach. for me this is truly a necessity. and for several reasons

   1. i’m crazy.

• if i don’t have something distracting me from the lack of auditions i will focus on my lack of auditions and make my life a living hell. i don’t wish to do this to myself. it’s exhausting and destructive. acting class ensures that i’m consistently working on my (dear god i can’t believe i’m about to use this term…) craft. does a musician only rehearse on days of a show? do athletes only warm up before a game? does steve jobs only come up with new technology on the day of a press conference. heck no! there is constant work, constant conditioning. and this consistency is manna from heaven.

   2. i’m desperate for attention.

•  after all, i am an actor. if i don’t get reassurance at least 2 times a week that i’m good and worthy i would be riddled with self doubt and loathing. and since i’m crazy (see above) i must take actions to prevent this.

   3. i’m lonely.

• i have tons of friends. just lots and lots. i’m super popular now.

take that, dude/high school peers!

• but all my friends are really busy. with jobs both of the legit and day job persuasion. by being in an acting class for 8 hours a week i’m guaranteed quality friend action. and since i’m desperate for attention and crazy (see above) i must take action to prevent any inkling of loneliness.  

a lot of actors out here aren’t in acting classes, which is totally understandable. it’s expensive, time consuming and you have to be around Actors. i’m not exactly sure what would happen to me if i didn’t take classes. i’d become an insecure crazy recluse. i’d do nothing but complain and sulk about my lack of parts. or maybe just watch streaming netflix and stumble! along on the internet. not exactly a productive use of my time.

by being in an acting class i can focus all my stress, anxiety and neurotic tendencies towards something beneficial for my fledgling career.

i’m nearing the end of a year long contract with my management team. i’m not going to resign with them.

i actually like my managers. they are nice, hardworking, motivated and extremely likable. but they aren’t exactly good at what they do.

managers are supposed to, you know, manage you: help find agents, help cultivate a career and help manage said career. often they work in tandem with your other representation to get you choice audition with notable CDs.

my managers don’t do any of that. more than that, i don’t think they have the connections to do any of that. so they’ve got to go.

it’s not personal - it’s business.

when they email me or call me within the next few weeks and ask me to come into the office to resign i will politely decline. this is a dangerous move for me because if i don’t find representation asap i will have no way to get auditions for legit projects. i do workshops but scoring an audition from a workshop is hard. (not impossible because i have - just hard…)

i’ve been doing blind submissions to agents and i’ve been lucky enough to have a few industry referrals which are gold in this town. but those aren’t paying off. of the 10 agents i’ve only gotten 2 meetings. this is good, but not great.

things are going to get scary real soon if i don’t take care of this.

there are 2 kinds of actors in this town.

actors with representation and actors without representation.

most actors in LA don’t have representation. i’m about to become one of them.

when an actors with representation complain about a lack of auditions i often want to hit them. there are thousands upon thousands upon thousands of actors in this town. and we’re all vying for maybe a few hundred roles per season (this is paying roles - film, tv, commercial and theatre.) a CD once told me for every under-5 co-star role he does there is typically somewhere between 600-1000 submissions. of those submission he only sees maybe 10 actors. 1 person get the part.

it’s hard enough to get cast with representation. but when you look at the numbers - the number of actors, the number of auditions, the number of submissions per role - you realize that 99.99999999% of the actors who audition for the roles and are cast have representation. now, maybe i will be part of the 0.00000001% of actors who miraculously get an audition and get cast in a role without having an agent but the odds of that are slight at best. but if that did happen it would rock hard core. because then i could call up any of those 10 agencies i’ve submitted for and be like “yo - i just got cast in this fantastic super high paying SAG and/or AFTRA project and would like you help me with the whole contract thing.” and they’d be like “dude, you must be a stellar actor. not only will i help you with the whole contract thing, but i’ll also take you on as a client and will ensure that you will audition of other like projects.”

hey - stranger things have happened.

too soon?

the good news is i’m doing everything in my power, short of stalking, to get new representation. i take workshops. i’m in acting class. i’m sending out submissions. i do follow ups. i’ve even enlisted my mom to give my package to my cousin who is currently next door neighbors to a movie director in hollywood south (hi mom!) and i’m not at all embarrassed by this because you have to do what you have to do. 

in all honesty, there isn’t much more i can do. i’m staying positive. i’m positive i won’t resign and i’m positive it’s the best move for me.

i had my first red carpet event last night. HUZZZZAH!!!!

ehem. sorry about that…just reliving the awesomeness of that statement.

it was a fundraiser.

there were lots of people, lots of free booze and lots of gift bags.

only…the red carpet was 6 feet long.

and the people there were a bunch of nobodies (i’m including myself in the mix)

and the free booze was in glasses the size of dixie cups. they’re smaller so you don’t feel like an alcoholic when you drink 10.

and the gift bag was filled with candy and sweet tea flavored vodka.

as someone said “no ipod? not a real gift bag.”

all in all it was a bit off. and i felt a little out place. you’ve heard of starter wives? the first lady you marry is a stepping stone to the next big thing. they are really popular here in LA - so i’ve been told - i watched a few episodes of that tv show about them and according to the show they are everywhere.

did i mention i believe everything i see on tv?

well i’d like to think that this was a starter event for me. a stepping stone to the next big thing.

first of all let’s address my inability to network. i’m really bad at networking. for several reasons. although most my friends and family will argue against this point, i’m relatively nervous around new people. it takes me a while to warm up and feel comfortable. and in hollywood where time is money no one has time to wait for you to warm up. you’re at a party and you need to know how to hobnob.

and there is also the whole “i just don’t care” factor. i. just. don’t. care. about hobnobbing with the almost-rich-&-famous. let alone the Rich & Famous,. most the times the conversations are boring self promotional crap. it’s rare you meet someone who wants to talk about current politics or books, or what their favorite meal is. it’s always “who are you what do you do what did you do what are you doing next.” but i need to get over that asap because it’s all about who you know in this town and since i don’t know anyone i better start caring.

but i digress. networking shmetworking. i grinned and bared it and made it through the night.

i was asked to sing. did i mention i’m a talented singer as well as a talented actor? because i am.

my talents as represented by marvel comics.

there were a few technical difficulties at first. mic feed back et al. (see above re: starter event.) however, and i say this humbly - i rocked it. hard core. but if you don’t believe me you could ask some of my friends that came. i was told that, although the majority of people talked through my song (it’s LA - no one cares) those who watched the performance enjoyed it thoroughly.

i can’t validate that statement. i’m not sure if other people enjoyed it, but i sure as hell did. it was my first time singing in front of people in a long time. and really, so long as i’m happy who cares what the critics think. wait…i just lied…i care what the critics think.

i left shortly after i preformed. i just had no desire to be there beyond what was necessary. there was a cheese factor that was unavoidable.

it wasn’t a total wash though - i got to sing and i did walk my first red carpet.

not the red carpet i walked….yet…

side bar: walking the carpet was cool and strange. i’ve never felt more uncomfortable having my picture taken and, quite honestly, the paparazzi seemed uncomfortable having me there. or, rather, confused. i was polite though - when flashes stopped flashing i asked if they were finished. they said yes. i said thank you. they said you’re welcome. it was an oddly formal experience. i figure if i’m formal and polite to the paparazzi and they won’t photograph me doing embarrassing things - it would be like embarrassing their adorable baby cousin.

no need to adjust your computer - i’m that blurry in real life.

and to answer your question i was wearing uniqlo.

i got a check today from SAG for a job i did over a year ago.

me swimming in dough.

and this is why acting is awesome.

and that whole “acting as a expression of my inner most being” thing…

workshops are a great way to network and build personal relations with CDs.

one of the many lessons you learn in here, that no one informs you of before you come, is that it doesn’t matter where you studied. or what’s on your resume. or how pretty you are. actually, that’s not true…i just lied because all those things are important. very very important. however there is one thing that is as or more important than all those things combined.

a personal relationship with CDs.

if they can’t put a personality and talent to a face and a name and a resume, then you are just 1 of the hundreds of faces and names and resumes that are submitted daily for the under fives and co-stars and guest stars. and since my name is unknown, my face more so, i depend a lot on my impeccable talents and personalty to get noticed.

and workshops are a great way to do just that especially if your representation isn’t doing their jobs and getting you in that audition room.

these have of been of great use to me. i know that by going to a workshop once a week ensures that i’m getting up in front CDs once a week which is more than some people out here get.

the only problem with workshops is the fact that often times there are Actors there. note the use of the capitol A. Actors are different from actors.

can you spot the difference in this picture. one man is an Actor. one man is an actor.

Actors make their presence known, loudly. these are the people at your auditions that try to ensure everyone sees their headshot and their resume and often talk loudly how they have an important audition across town on a studio lot for a prominent show. at workshops these are the people who talk of “levels” and “intensity” and how their sides are super “dramatic.”

most actors try to stay below the radar a bit - they seem to be a little more self confident and thus a little quieter at auditions, and especially at workshops. no need to draw unnecessary attention. let the talent speak for itself i say.

i’d like to fancy myself an actor. but who knows. i may not even be that. but i’m trying hard. today is a monday. another workweek in LA has begun which means more auditions are being posted on breakdown, lunch meetings are being set up, stars are being born and destroyed. and with the help of my workshops maybe i can get in on that action a bit.

on being born not destroyed. i just wanted to clear that bit up.